If only we had hooked up when we were young, what would our life together be like today? I could only imagine that it would have been filled with joy and bliss, and a lot of growing-pains as we tried to discover who we were. We would have decades behind us now, but at what cost? Would it have been all that great? I'd like to say yes. Yes, we would have fallen madly in love with each other and faced whatever obstacles life would have thrown at us, because we would have had each other. Yes, we would have grown a future together, and slid gently into our latter years gracefully. The truth is, I don't know what it would have been like.
What we do have is now, this moment. It is the best time of our lives. We were able to be whomever we needed to be when we were young, to prepare for who we are now. We made the necessary mistakes and failures then, so that we could grow from those experiences, and be the best for each other now. I'm glad that we didn't have to go through those younger, inexperienced years together. I'm glad that we waited for each other.
"Before I'm done with this life, I want 50 years with you, at the very least."
I want to be who you choose every day of your life, because you are who I choose every day of mine. I want to be the one you talk to about anything and everything, the one you vent to, complain to, talk about your dreams and your goals to. I want to tell you about all the beauty I see in you, and in our world together. I want to cry and scream and laugh, while I tell you all the things I hide from myself.
I want you to hold me in your arms as I rest my head on your shoulder, and hold onto your long hair like a safety blanket, and melt into your body as our hearts beat to the same rhythm. I want to breath in your calmness and be swept away into an intoxicating slumber. I want to feel your warm body next to mine as I open my eyes to a new day.
Before I'm done with this life, I want 50 years with you, at the very least. The happiness I feel is amplified by the presence of you in my life. I want to be the one who is there with you, through it all, the good and the bad. I want you to be by my side as I face the rest of my life, and know with all of your heart that I will never leave you.
I want to wake up at sunrise and make love with you before we start our day, every day. I want to get sweet little messages from you, just to know that you're thinking of me while we're busy with our lives. I want to cook dinners for you, or at least learn how to. I want to relax in the evenings in a bubble bath with candles burning all around us, with wine and soft music. I want to massage your feet while you massage mine.
I want to travel with you, get a dog and a Toyota FJ Cruiser, and get out on the land with our cameras and explore places that we've never seen before. I want to write stories and drink coffee, and be quiet and still for a moment. I want to be present for you, and for myself. I want to tell you every day of your life that I love you, and I want to show you that you are all I've ever wanted.
I want to do great things with you, like build a little house and grow a garden, expand whatever horizons we want to. I want to bake cookies with you when it gets cold outside, and binge-watch Netflix series. I want to walk beside you up mountains and down through valleys and across rivers. I want to sit with you at sunset and hold your hand. I want you to gaze into my eyes and see the universe that's revealing itself to you.
I want to touch you, and memorize every nuance of your being. I want to be drawn deeply into you, and live there for a while. I want to recognize you in every way, and wash over you like a gentle rain. I want all of this and so much more.
Be with me, here and now, and forever. I can promise you the world, and good food, and warm nights. Give me all of your love and affection, and your humor and child-like nature. Take me for all that I am, and I guarantee that you'll never need another.
(For my Beloved on the anniversary of our 10th month.)
I'm the last person to ask advice from when it comes to relationships, but this is what I know for sure:
Love is a decision. It is not a fairytale. Do you want a relationship that will last? Are you ready for commitment? If you are, you have to be open to compromise, honest communication and making someone else a priority in your life. Create a solid foundation with your partner, built on trust, compassion and understanding. What does that mean? It means talking, a lot. And not just to have a conversation about the weather or small talk about the latest trends, movies, restaurants, blah blah blah. I'm talking, TALKING. Tell him about your fears and insecurities. Show him who you are - the real you, not what the world thinks you are. It takes courage and vulnerability to allow a relationship to grow and expand.
Don't be afraid to speak your truth. Tell him what your boundaries are in a relationship, what your needs are and what you are able to offer him in a partnership. And ask him what his boundaries and needs are, and what he is able to offer you. A good solid relationship that has a chance of lasting has to be based on a decision to do just that, first. It is a decision.
Get deep, even if it scares you a little bit. Make eye contact. Hold his hand, or massage his foot - physical contact is important while reaching out and having meaningful dialogue. Choose your words carefully, speak from your heart and always bring the focus back to you. Give him the opportunity to speak and don't interrupt each other. Listen, and I don't mean just with your ears. Really listen, give each other your full attention.
A strong loving relationship begins long before the bedroom. I know, I know... it's one of the first things we all want to do. But seriously, wait. For some of us, we already know that jumping into bed with someone too quickly, ends the relationship quickly. Be best friends first. Make that phone call in the middle of the day, asking him how his day is going. Tell him about your day. Be the last voice he hears on the phone before he falls asleep at night. Stay connected throughout the day. Send the text, letting him know you're thinking of him. It's okay to be cute and sweet. My guy sends me a corny line once a week for good measure.
Get out and do things that you both love. Take photos when you're out on a hike, see movies together, discover new restaurants or pack a picnic lunch and go to a park. Check out that band, or go to that rave together. Dance. Play. No matter what your age is, loosen up and discover new things with him. Let go of what the world told you you were supposed to be. Get real, and share that with him.
Look, there should be no one else on the planet you should want to be with more than him, so be exactly who you are, without fear. Accept him for exactly who he is, without judgement or criticism. It is true, that we show people how we want to be treated. Show him, by example.
Not everyone is the same. You may not agree on everything. Actually, you probably won't agree on everything, and that is totally okay. Learn each other's quirks and pet-peeves, and don't step all over them. Discuss, negotiate, compromise and adjust. That doesn't mean be a doormat. Find a healthy middle-ground. Trust me, it works.
Mean what you say, keep your promises and hold yourself accountable. It's not that hard. When you love someone, it's pretty easy. Allow trust to grow. Bond with him mentally, emotionally and physically. Make your home together your sacred space. Keep it a safe place where you both feel comfortable and free. Cook meals together, do the household chores together, discuss your finances together. Get ready to be mature and plan your future together.
If you're one of those "flight or fight" types, don't give up. When you feel the urge to bolt, stop. When you want to lash out at him for no apparent reason, don't. Take a moment, or a day or two, to be alone with your feelings, because it's not him that's making you feel that way. There's always stuff from our pasts that pop up when things might seem to be going too well. Don't self-sabotage. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, process it, let go of it and move on. Don't leave him in the dark, let him know what you're feeling. He will be glad you did, he will give you your space and he will be there when you get back. Trust him.
What are relationship goals? For me, it means being okay to be not okay, and knowing that he's not going to run away just because of that. It means making time to be together and not wavering from that. It means keeping our private life private, and not allowing drama in. It means keeping toxic people out of our relationship, respecting each other and honoring what we are creating together. It means knowing that I can depend on him, and he can depend on me. It means not making excuses and not holding back. It means believing in each other, supporting and encouraging one another. It means giving each other space when we need it, while still staying connected.
Anything worthwhile in life is worth the effort. And it takes effort to be in a mature committed relationship. But here's the thing - don't settle! Please, for the love of God, don't settle just because you don't want to be alone. You are worth more than that. That guy that's wild and crazy - yea, that's all that he is. Don't go there. That guy that's great in bed, but won't answer your calls any other time. Don't go there either. Respect yourself. Wait as long as it takes. Meet people and be aware of the red-flags. You deserve the best, and you can't make someone be something that they aren't, so don't try that either. We all have potential, but when that's all he's got, move on. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
That guy that's your best friend, the one who is there for you when a boyfriend dumps you and you're crying in the middle of the night. That guy who listens to you, looks forward to the times when he can spend a few minutes with you. That guy who thinks it's funny when you get tired and whiney. That guy who calls you just to see what's new in your life. That guy who surprises you with your favorite coffee. That guy who binge-watches Netflix and eats pizza with you, while you're in your pajamas all day, and you feel totally at ease with him. That guy who remembers your birthday, and everything else that's important to you. That guy who has seen you at your worst, and at your best, and likes you any way. That guy. Spend time with him.
Wow, I guess I had a lot of advice to give after-all. But remember, this is just one woman's opinion - my own personal experiences with the greatest guy I've ever met in my life. He was so worth the wait.
Thanks for reading.
I am living the dream, one day at a time, and sharing my experiences with you.
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