Some Days Are Just Damn Hard

Some days are just damn hard. The world around us seems to be falling apart. Today felt like one of those days. I don't read newspapers and I haven't watched TV in over 10 years. I glance over news topics on social media, but sometimes it's unavoidable. I won't go into the details of the day - shootings, politics, deaths of celebrities - doesn't really matter what it is. For me, today was overwhelming.

I believe there are those of us who love humanity. We see beyond the troubles and tribulations. Life wasn't designed to be fair, although we wish it was. We love, we feel, we keep living one day at a time. Trying to figure out the meaning of why I'm here drove me crazy, so I stopped doing that a long time ago. 

People die. That's just a part of life. It doesn't seem fair to us who are left behind. We miss them, we mourn for them. It's easy to become resentful, but what does that get us besides bitter and angry? This world is a tragically brutal place, and yet it can be the most beautiful of places too. Violence and destruction are real. Is there a way to stop it? I doubt it.

Yet, I watched the sunset tonight and marveled at the brilliant colors, and fell deep into the vivid pinks and violets. I felt the cool evening breeze flow through my hair, the smell of fall is in the air. I listened to coyotes in the distance, calling to each other as the sun fell behind the mountain. I am here, now, in this moment. I grasp for whatever reminders bring me comfort, like the touch of a child's hand; the loving embrace of someone dear to me; a song sung by someone I love; a walk hand-in-hand with a best buddy; and making a meal together with friends. Now as the day comes to a close, I'm grateful, for tomorrow is a new day, and with the sunrise comes hope and possibility. May we all sleep soundly, and cry, and laugh, and reach out to those whom we love and cherish. For even tomorrow is uncertain, and all we have is now. 

As I crawl into bed, tired and battered from this day, I think of you and where you are. I miss you, and I love you too.

From the journal of Zushka.
Monday, October 2nd, 2017
​11:57 p.m.