Okay, people, listen up! I'm getting healthy in a badass way. Recent health issues have kicked my butt into gear, and I'm not fooling around.
Follow me on this journey. Get all the behind-the-scenes, real life ups and downs. Be a part of my struggle and my success, while I evolve into a healthier me. It'll be life-changing and inspiring, for sure. I am a constant work in progress. Life isn't always pretty - I embrace it all.
Here's the scoop: I'll be creating a Video Diary, a few minutes each morning and random pieces throughout the day. Kinda like a reality program - raw footage, real-time conversations with you. (I talk to myself anyway, I may as well talk to a camera.)
Why am I doing this? To keep myself accountable. When I create a goal, especially one as big as this one, sharing it with someone else helps me stay on track. It's all about progress, not perfection. Plus, this will help me get out of my comfort zone, pushing my limits and practice public speaking.
I'm all about empowering others. Society shows us a lot of bullshit, in advertising and media, all targeted toward women - how we're supposed to look, dress, eat, and what to strive for. Trust me, it's all crap. I thrive on cutting through the junk and getting down to the core of who we really are.
Look, if you're into living a pretty life at all costs, go for it. I'm not telling anyone what to do. I'm just sharing a part of my life - stumbling and making mistakes, pulling myself up and trying again. This is what I do best.
So, if you're up for it, subscribe to my VIDEO DIARY and get the info before the rest of the world does. My YouTube Channel will begin showing my Daily Video Diary soon.
Thanks for reading.
s o c i a l m e d i a a p p r o p r i a t e v i d e o
"Two and a half years ago, I wandered into a room in an old-high-school-turned-art-studios, on the side of a mountain - Jerome, Arizona."
Wow, what a great beginning to a story!
Truth is, it's probably one of the best stories of my life. Not because it was easy, but because of its adversities.
I didn't know it in the winter of 2016, but I was headed for a meltdown, one of the biggest and longest I've experienced. It was like crashing in s l o w m o t i o n. And it couldn't have happened to a better person, or in a better place.
My studio provided a safe spot to land. I didn't have a plan, or a clue of what I was going to do. All I knew was, I was supposed to be there. Seriously, it was like one of those moments when you know - you just know that you belong. The studio, and the little town of Jerome itself, made me feel like I was okay.
And it couldn't have come at a better time. Four months later, I became homeless. I spent more and more time in my studio - working at my desk, sleeping on the couch, borrowing a tub from a local musician for baths - you know, the usual.
I spun out out of control, thank God! Control was my middle name, it was about time I lost it. What I gained was more than I could have ever imagined in my wildest dreams.
Today, I look back on the time I've spent in my studio, all of the projects, art shows, music performances, photo workshops, art classes and a whole lot of silliness. And I recognize how different I am now, thanks to all of it. (More on that later.)
What I love is this: the diversity and variety of artists I have been privileged to spend time with, has unexpectedly rubbed off on me - their art forms, their personalities, their lifestyles. I am in the company of greatness.
Here's the thing: Over time I dabbled in photography, specifically in the manipulation of digital images, creating what appear to be gritty, edgy, bizarre photographs. A weed growing through a crack in the steps, shadow and light playing across a blackboard, old paint peeling off a cement wall in a dark basement - odd angles in various stages.
That, combined with this: nude modeling. This was also my path during the meltdown years. What did it bring me? Empowerment, acceptance, badassery - and I'm not talking about the pretty parts.
Here's the deal:
* The glorious rage - raw, real, dirty.
* Being homeless - fear, displaced, broke.
* Total meltdown - surrender, loss, relief.
E v e r y t h i n g spilled out through photos, words, and images splattered with paint, glued onto magazine pages, and turned into animated pop art. And that's just the beginning.
Six months ago, I got focused. I stopped giving myself away. I stopped doing for others what I could be doing for myself. Something was stirring, and I knew I had to clear out all the junk in my life, and in my studio, to get ready. But this time, I did have a plan, I did have a clue.
*e x p o s e d* represents all that. An unveiling of growth, through an art-form I'm not even sure how to describe. Actually, I'm glad there are no words for it, because it is my personal journey, not anyone else's.
So let's have a party! DJ Louder and Boyz Club will be shaking down the building all night, starting with House Music and going into Techno Beats. Good food and good wine throughout the evening, loads of fun people, dancing, laughing, and.... oh yeah, live black-light body painting! All you photographers, bring your cameras.
Friday the 13th of September, 2019
Opening Reception: 6 p.m.
Not Your Typical Art Show: 6 - 11 p.m.
Techno & House Music by Boyz Club & DJ Louder: 8 p.m. - 12 a.m.
Food & Wine
Zushka, the artist: Unusual, Uninhibited, Unorthodox, Unapologetic
#livebodypainting #photography #zushkabirosphotography #redbenchstudios #oldjeromehighschool #jeromeartcenter #jeromeaz #fridaythe13th #september2019 #zushkaexposed #popart @zushka.biros @modelzushka @photographyredbench #mixedmedia #collageart #analogart #psychedelicart #blacklight #supportlocalart
More To Come
I know how the saying goes: we are what we think all day long. I get that. I begin every day feeling happy, truly happy. I'm like a kid on Christmas morning every day, excited about what the day will bring. Now, that doesn't mean I don't get tired, and want to sleep in sometimes. And yes, I do need coffee, because I am addicted to it, to wake up my brain and help my mouth form complete sentences. I may not physically look excited and happy, or even content in the mornings. But the truth is, I am. I love my life. I get to create all day, every day. I have wonderful friends, and the best boyfriend on the planet. Work, for me, is fun. I am happiest when I'm absorbed in a project, and working at it for days at a time. I'm grateful for everything. I wouldn't want anyone else's life, that's for sure.
It takes a lot to bring me down. And it's not something that happens to me very often. I have meltdowns every now and then, but it's been a long time since the last one. I can't even remember when that was. Life isn't something to get over and have a happily-ever-after forever. This isn't a depression, it's not even sadness really. There wasn't any catastrophic event that drug me down into the pit of despair. Nothing at all that dramatic.
But sometimes, life throws so much at me that whatever positive practices or uplifting routines I have just don't do the trick. Does anyone else experience this? I mean, I know for a fact that there are always those in the world who have it worse than I do. I'm not complaining about what I have or don't have. Those aren't even things that matter to me. Things themselves don't matter to me.
This week has been a big wallop, just smacking me down no matter what I do. I had to face a few big hard truths these past few days. Even with that, I still managed to wake up, look outside, watch the sunrise, get up, get dressed and get out of the house. But I found myself not feeling so great. Even during my morning drive, music didn't work its magic on me either.
Coffee, long drive, music - those are usually guaranteed to perk me up.
This isn't a doom and gloom blog post. I think it's important for those of us, who appear blissed-out and eternally positive to the whole wide world, to know it's okay to not feel okay sometimes. I'm not curled up in a ball in the corner, sobbing uncontrollably. I'm not ready for the psych ward, yet. it's just, like a void.
I heard someone in a grocery store this afternoon say to another person "hang in there, not much longer left to this day." And it made me wonder, how many people get up every day and go to a job, or do something that they don't like. And all they can think about is "when will this day be over?" Life becomes a chore that they have to do, every single day. I looked around at the people in the grocery store, and most of them pretty much looked like they just gave up on life. They go through with the routine every day, but do they feel satisfied? They just sort of exist, not really living a fully abundant life.
I don't want that to be me. I am one of the lucky ones, I think. And just because I'm not feeling too positive lately, does not mean that I'm feeling negative at all. I'm just feeling blah, eh, not so hot.
So here's to us, the veterans of the gutter. Those unfortunate souls who get stuck sometimes, even though we're ultra-positive to those in need. I'm going to treat myself to something yummy tonight, and take a long hot bubble bath, watch a movie on Netflix, and enjoy a deep sleep. Maybe I'll even sleep in tomorrow. Who knows, maybe the reset button will kick in and I'll be a totally different person by morning.
Thanks for reading.
Traditional is not a word that I would use to describe myself. I'm not into gender roles or conventional ways. I am far out on the other end of the spectrum of socially acceptable standards. I am the polar-opposite of traditional. That's pretty much how I've always been. Even when I was a kid, I struggled to identify with what I thought I was supposed to be. My choices were limited, and I wasn't having any of it. I've been bucking the system since I was born.
And yet, there are certain charming attributes of a time-gone-by that I find endearing. There are some nostalgic, precious customs that make sense to me. And it only took 53 years for this side of me to be revealed.
Relationships have not been easy for me. I've had my share of difficulties, heartache and trauma. Did I pick the wrong guys? Probably. But those guys were just being who they were, and I chose to jump right into their chaos. I thrived on the drama.
Ten years ago, I learned about myself, erased the victim-role and cleaned up my side of the street. But it didn't happen overnight. During those early years of recovery, I had a short-lived relationship with a drug dealer, a long-distance relationship for several months with someone I barely knew, and a 3-year marriage that ended with a prison sentence (his, not mine). Since that time, I've had unorthodox relationships with a few guys, but I have no regrets. All of them were authentic. I entered into each one with eyes wide open and learned more and more about myself.
What happened next was surprising. Almost 11 months ago to the day, I had a conversation with a friend about dating, specifically dating him. He was someone I liked and trusted, someone who I thought would be able to handle dating me. He was confident and secure, independent and creative. He was self-employed, ambitious and thought outside-the-box, not to mention, tall, dark and gorgeous. But what was interesting then was, I was talking about dating, a word I never used. Dating meant commitment, and I certainly wasn't going down that road, or so I thought.
Was I giving up on life? Was I delusional? Was I having a midlife crisis? The answer was a big NO. Seriously, I woke up one morning with the epiphany that I was ready for a mature committed relationship, and there he was. Not immediately, and certainly not like a knight in shining armor, whisking me away on his white horse to a "happily forever after" nightmare. But, he was there, steady and sure, like a rock.
Here we are, 11 months later, after making a conscious decision to date, communicating what are needs were and putting together a plan of how this would work for us. Again, being unconventional people, we don't follow the rules. However, here's where I ironically discovered my old-fashionedness.
The list looks something like this:
With all that he does for me, the very things that I thought would make me less independent, have actually just simply softened me. Opening my car door, walking street-side, holding my hand, cooking dinner for me, giving me space, taking me out on dates, wanting to be with me when life gets hard, listening to me without fixing me - doesn't take away my strength. I'm still a strong independent woman. What he does for me, complements me. In other words, it adds to my strength, it doesn't take away from it. I have grown accustomed to, and enjoy some beautiful precious old-fashioned customs and ways. I would have never known this about myself if it had not been for him.
I'm happy to report that there is light at the end of the tunnel for us, ladies - those of us badass women who do everything for ourselves, refuse the help of others and take matters into our own control. Listen up! It is okay. Better than that, it is a blessing when a warrior steps up and is honored to be a part of our lives. Let him in. I know, it'll be a challenge at first. You'll want to do things your way. Compromise a little, let him cherish you. Keep being who you are, state your boundaries and communicate at all costs. Then, watch the magic happen. We don't need to be alone, or insist on always doing everything by ourselves. There is something delicate and heart-warming in the ways he will show up and be unwavering. Take him for his word, because it is gold. Trust him completely, because he is safe. Love him for all that he is, because he is honest. Know that all he does is for you, because you are a goddess.
Enjoy the sweet little things he will do for you, because they are huge in comparison to what you've struggled with before. Here's the best part - cherish him back, just as hard and as gently as he does you. You're in for the ride of your life, trust me. And remember, it is absolutely alright to be a little old-fashioned in this day and age. Some things have stood the test of time, and they are still just as important today as they were then.
Thanks for reading.
If only we had hooked up when we were young, what would our life together be like today? I could only imagine that it would have been filled with joy and bliss, and a lot of growing-pains as we tried to discover who we were. We would have decades behind us now, but at what cost? Would it have been all that great? I'd like to say yes. Yes, we would have fallen madly in love with each other and faced whatever obstacles life would have thrown at us, because we would have had each other. Yes, we would have grown a future together, and slid gently into our latter years gracefully. The truth is, I don't know what it would have been like.
What we do have is now, this moment. It is the best time of our lives. We were able to be whomever we needed to be when we were young, to prepare for who we are now. We made the necessary mistakes and failures then, so that we could grow from those experiences, and be the best for each other now. I'm glad that we didn't have to go through those younger, inexperienced years together. I'm glad that we waited for each other.
"Before I'm done with this life, I want 50 years with you, at the very least."
I want to be who you choose every day of your life, because you are who I choose every day of mine. I want to be the one you talk to about anything and everything, the one you vent to, complain to, talk about your dreams and your goals to. I want to tell you about all the beauty I see in you, and in our world together. I want to cry and scream and laugh, while I tell you all the things I hide from myself.
I want you to hold me in your arms as I rest my head on your shoulder, and hold onto your long hair like a safety blanket, and melt into your body as our hearts beat to the same rhythm. I want to breath in your calmness and be swept away into an intoxicating slumber. I want to feel your warm body next to mine as I open my eyes to a new day.
Before I'm done with this life, I want 50 years with you, at the very least. The happiness I feel is amplified by the presence of you in my life. I want to be the one who is there with you, through it all, the good and the bad. I want you to be by my side as I face the rest of my life, and know with all of your heart that I will never leave you.
I want to wake up at sunrise and make love with you before we start our day, every day. I want to get sweet little messages from you, just to know that you're thinking of me while we're busy with our lives. I want to cook dinners for you, or at least learn how to. I want to relax in the evenings in a bubble bath with candles burning all around us, with wine and soft music. I want to massage your feet while you massage mine.
I want to travel with you, get a dog and a Toyota FJ Cruiser, and get out on the land with our cameras and explore places that we've never seen before. I want to write stories and drink coffee, and be quiet and still for a moment. I want to be present for you, and for myself. I want to tell you every day of your life that I love you, and I want to show you that you are all I've ever wanted.
I want to do great things with you, like build a little house and grow a garden, expand whatever horizons we want to. I want to bake cookies with you when it gets cold outside, and binge-watch Netflix series. I want to walk beside you up mountains and down through valleys and across rivers. I want to sit with you at sunset and hold your hand. I want you to gaze into my eyes and see the universe that's revealing itself to you.
I want to touch you, and memorize every nuance of your being. I want to be drawn deeply into you, and live there for a while. I want to recognize you in every way, and wash over you like a gentle rain. I want all of this and so much more.
Be with me, here and now, and forever. I can promise you the world, and good food, and warm nights. Give me all of your love and affection, and your humor and child-like nature. Take me for all that I am, and I guarantee that you'll never need another.
(For my Beloved on the anniversary of our 10th month.)
Being an artist and running a business at the same time can be tricky. It takes balance and consistency, setting priorities and keeping on track.
My schedule gets a little crazy at times, between the volunteer community service I love to do (giving back to the community is a big deal to me); weekly modeling gigs; running art sessions and monthly photo workshops; photo shoots, (where I am the photographer); and creating all the marketing materials, press releases and social media promos for all of the above. It’s a full-time+ gig, where I’m busy at odd hours of the day and night.
Morning meetings are held at the kitchen counter via laptop Messenger Chat, while I’m drinking coffee and eating oatmeal.
Having a solid core team is crucial. We are all spread out geographically, making typical conference room meetings a thing of the past. With wonderful digital-age devices, the tools of the trade are now wireless and tele-communicative.
Dress Code consists of leggings and a thermal shirt, fluffy socks, messy hair and no makeup. Comfort is essential and helps me be more productive.
Follow-ups are done through group email. Updates are taken care of by text messages and phone calls. And all of this is done before lunch.
While all of that is taking place, I am busy designing flyers, updating my online store, adding info to my website and responding to people who send messages to my Facebook Events.
After lunch, more coffee and more work. But that’s the best thing - it never feels like work. It’s fun, all of it, because I only do what I love. And I love running my own business, and I love being an artist. It helps a whole lot too, being a natural-born Multi-Tasker.
I’ve learned a boat-load of skills during my life, all of which serves me well, now. It’s like second nature for me to whip up an Excel Spreadsheet to track progress, log receivables and payables, and review statistics.
I’m all for taking breaks during the day. I go from crazy-busy to calm and relaxed in just a few seconds. It’s the best practice I’ve put into action that benefits everything in my life.
I have designed the best possible solution for my busy work day. Here’s a brief snapshot:
#1. Music. I listen to music while I’m working, when I’m driving, pretty much all the time except when I am sleeping. The Ambient Station on Pandora Radio is on nonstop all day.
#2. Naps. Sleeping when you’re tired is not being lazy. It’s the brain’s way of recovering and creating. When I wake up, my subconscious mind shows me what I need to know next, and I’m able to follow through because I am rested.
#3. Food. Healthy, unprocessed foods. I snack all day. My go-to is bell peppers - red, yellow and orange. Cucumber slices with hummus, apples, cashews, and lots of water. My metabolism is sped up, my mind is clear and I am focused.
With my daily routine, productivity is a snap. At the end of the day, I am always amazed at everything I’m able to accomplish.
Spending quality time with my boyfriend helps me unwind at the end of the day, either in person or on the phone. We offer each other a lot of support, encouragement and nurturing. I love the way we motivate one another. We bounce ideas off each other, create projects and launch them together. We have mutual interests and a great passion for the art that we make. This part of my day is just as important as all the work I do in the course of a day.
What does all of this mean? It means when I tell people I’m busy all the time, it actually means *I’m busy all the time.* I’m up at the crack of dawn and fall asleep somewhere around midnight. This is the way my life is at the moment, and I love every second of it.
So, for those of you who follow me on social media, don't be fooled - photographs are nice, and they are stunning for sure, but it's important to understand that being a kickass girl boss is anything but all that. The every-day me in the dress-code I mentioned earlier does not look like all that. Entrepreneurship is a workout, physically, emotionally, financially, you name it! I'm sure the private planes and designer clothes, and trips to Europe are wonderful. But for me, at this moment in my life, I am working my ass off day and night to create something that I love, something to share with all of you. When those nice things come my way, I will appreciate them, but that is not my motivation.
As I finish writing this blog, it is a Saturday morning. I woke up early, fell back to sleep and woke up two hours later, feeling like only five minutes went by. I didn't even know what day it was. I dragged my butt out of bed to the kitchen where I discovered I was out of coffee. I got dressed, put on my dreaded Michigan Coat and hopped into my freezing cold car. It started snowing while I drove to the grocery store. Barely alert, I grabbed a bag of coffee beans and made my way to the ONLY cashier that was open, and of course the person in front of me had a fully loaded cart. She looked at me and waved me ahead of her. It must have been obvious, I needed the coffee!
Now, with my freshly-brewed cup next to my laptop, Mumford & Sons, Eddie Vedder and Dave Matthews playing on Pandora Radio, I am reviewing my up-coming week and what needs to be done.
Building an empire and being a badass entrepreneur isn’t for the weak of heart. It takes making tough decisions, facing yourself fearlessly, and learning to have courage you never thought was possible.
Here’s what I know today: the rewards, the abundance, the love of what I do, is worth every drop of blood, sweat and tears, because it takes a lot to get through it all. Take this advice from me: work smart, not hard; push yourself; never give up on your dreams; and always have plenty of coffee nearby.
Thanks for reading.
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Coming up later this year: a new book. Subscribe to my Studio's Blog and get the early-bird details.
So, this just happened! Tim McLellan, of HGTV's "Boomtown Builders", showed up with his film crew to do a Design Consultation with me. I entered a contest and won, but what was really cool was meeting Tim, and his lovely wife and assistant, Ericka. They have ties to the Old Jerome High School Art Center, where my studio is located. Once owners of Western Heritage Furniture in the building right next door, Tim was here in Jerome for over 20 years. With a passion for restoring old historic buildings, and being a Jerome-local, who else better to help me figure out what to do with my studio?
As soon as he walked through the doorway, I knew this was the guy for the job. It always makes me smile when I watch someone walk into my space for the first time, and see the expression on their face, much like the one that was on mine when I first entered this old classroom. High ceiling, old hardwood floor and a wall of tall windows - what's not to love?
After a brief tour of the room we got down to basics: #1 storage, and #2 sprucing up the place. Some of it was easy, like a fresh coat of paint, a light cleaning of the hardwood floor and some track lighting for the ceiling. Some of it, not so easy, like where to put everything. I spent weeks clearing out most of the clutter, but there was still stuff that needed a proper place in the room. Tim surprised me with an idea, floor-to-ceiling cabinets and shelves similar to an old library, with a rolling ladder to get up to the higher shelves (I am kinda short.) The storage structure would be removable, which gave me another idea - painting it a deep teal green - a great contrast color against the freshly painted white walls.
The old classroom is an actual "classroom" for art sessions and photography workshops, making the bright white walls necessary for creating without distractions. But a splash of color on the cabinets and shelves on the one large wall will make me happy.
The surprise of the day was Tim's suggestion for the windows. I hadn't planned on doing anything with the windows, since I love the North-facing natural light. But his two-cents worth made a lot of sense to me. Blocking out the natural light to control lighting in the studio is brilliant, especially with photography. Not every photographer likes natural light. But here's the awesome part - each huge window will have its own tapestry of art, created by yours truly. Each panel will hang from a hinged rod at the top of each window, like sails. Each one will swing open, or shut. This is the kicker - when they are all shut, it will be one huge wall of a piece of my artwork. That deserves a celebration!
I love the idea of controlling the light in my studio with the large banners, opening the ones I want and keeping a few shut, or opening all of them. They can even be easily removed and changed out, as I continue to create more pieces of art for the windowed-wall. Thank you, Tim, for stirring up all kinds of artistic ideas in my brain.
Watch the video and stay tuned for the progress of my studio transformation. Oh, and "Happy Valentine's Day!"
Thanks for reading,
With an extensive resume in fine art modeling, Zushka is now available for select projects.
Being an Over-50 Model has its perks and demands. With 6 years of vast experience, Zushka offers a variety of diverse skills in both live art modeling and photography.
Click here for a sample of Zushka's online portfolio.
Detours are great for showing me what I'm really passionate about doing, instead of what I think I'm supposed to want to be doing. Being thrown off-course isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'm returning to my first love - writing.
It's been a long time coming, but there is a new book in the works, and at least the title has been knocked out. Throwing together my insights and experiences into a frank and candid book about what it's like to be a woman in the 21st century, I write just like the way I talk, so expect the F-bomb, hysterical humor and a whole lot of honesty. No matter your age, background or ethnicity, we ladies all go through the same bullshit. It's time to take back our power and own it.
badass is the new pretty will be released at the end of 2019, just in time for the holidays. In the meantime, subscribe to my blog and get periodic updates.
I'm excited about this latest chunk of writing, what this new year has in store for me, and for sharing a big part of it with you.
I'm the last person to ask advice from when it comes to relationships, but this is what I know for sure:
Love is a decision. It is not a fairytale. Do you want a relationship that will last? Are you ready for commitment? If you are, you have to be open to compromise, honest communication and making someone else a priority in your life. Create a solid foundation with your partner, built on trust, compassion and understanding. What does that mean? It means talking, a lot. And not just to have a conversation about the weather or small talk about the latest trends, movies, restaurants, blah blah blah. I'm talking, TALKING. Tell him about your fears and insecurities. Show him who you are - the real you, not what the world thinks you are. It takes courage and vulnerability to allow a relationship to grow and expand.
Don't be afraid to speak your truth. Tell him what your boundaries are in a relationship, what your needs are and what you are able to offer him in a partnership. And ask him what his boundaries and needs are, and what he is able to offer you. A good solid relationship that has a chance of lasting has to be based on a decision to do just that, first. It is a decision.
Get deep, even if it scares you a little bit. Make eye contact. Hold his hand, or massage his foot - physical contact is important while reaching out and having meaningful dialogue. Choose your words carefully, speak from your heart and always bring the focus back to you. Give him the opportunity to speak and don't interrupt each other. Listen, and I don't mean just with your ears. Really listen, give each other your full attention.
A strong loving relationship begins long before the bedroom. I know, I know... it's one of the first things we all want to do. But seriously, wait. For some of us, we already know that jumping into bed with someone too quickly, ends the relationship quickly. Be best friends first. Make that phone call in the middle of the day, asking him how his day is going. Tell him about your day. Be the last voice he hears on the phone before he falls asleep at night. Stay connected throughout the day. Send the text, letting him know you're thinking of him. It's okay to be cute and sweet. My guy sends me a corny line once a week for good measure.
Get out and do things that you both love. Take photos when you're out on a hike, see movies together, discover new restaurants or pack a picnic lunch and go to a park. Check out that band, or go to that rave together. Dance. Play. No matter what your age is, loosen up and discover new things with him. Let go of what the world told you you were supposed to be. Get real, and share that with him.
Look, there should be no one else on the planet you should want to be with more than him, so be exactly who you are, without fear. Accept him for exactly who he is, without judgement or criticism. It is true, that we show people how we want to be treated. Show him, by example.
Not everyone is the same. You may not agree on everything. Actually, you probably won't agree on everything, and that is totally okay. Learn each other's quirks and pet-peeves, and don't step all over them. Discuss, negotiate, compromise and adjust. That doesn't mean be a doormat. Find a healthy middle-ground. Trust me, it works.
Mean what you say, keep your promises and hold yourself accountable. It's not that hard. When you love someone, it's pretty easy. Allow trust to grow. Bond with him mentally, emotionally and physically. Make your home together your sacred space. Keep it a safe place where you both feel comfortable and free. Cook meals together, do the household chores together, discuss your finances together. Get ready to be mature and plan your future together.
If you're one of those "flight or fight" types, don't give up. When you feel the urge to bolt, stop. When you want to lash out at him for no apparent reason, don't. Take a moment, or a day or two, to be alone with your feelings, because it's not him that's making you feel that way. There's always stuff from our pasts that pop up when things might seem to be going too well. Don't self-sabotage. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, process it, let go of it and move on. Don't leave him in the dark, let him know what you're feeling. He will be glad you did, he will give you your space and he will be there when you get back. Trust him.
What are relationship goals? For me, it means being okay to be not okay, and knowing that he's not going to run away just because of that. It means making time to be together and not wavering from that. It means keeping our private life private, and not allowing drama in. It means keeping toxic people out of our relationship, respecting each other and honoring what we are creating together. It means knowing that I can depend on him, and he can depend on me. It means not making excuses and not holding back. It means believing in each other, supporting and encouraging one another. It means giving each other space when we need it, while still staying connected.
Anything worthwhile in life is worth the effort. And it takes effort to be in a mature committed relationship. But here's the thing - don't settle! Please, for the love of God, don't settle just because you don't want to be alone. You are worth more than that. That guy that's wild and crazy - yea, that's all that he is. Don't go there. That guy that's great in bed, but won't answer your calls any other time. Don't go there either. Respect yourself. Wait as long as it takes. Meet people and be aware of the red-flags. You deserve the best, and you can't make someone be something that they aren't, so don't try that either. We all have potential, but when that's all he's got, move on. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
That guy that's your best friend, the one who is there for you when a boyfriend dumps you and you're crying in the middle of the night. That guy who listens to you, looks forward to the times when he can spend a few minutes with you. That guy who thinks it's funny when you get tired and whiney. That guy who calls you just to see what's new in your life. That guy who surprises you with your favorite coffee. That guy who binge-watches Netflix and eats pizza with you, while you're in your pajamas all day, and you feel totally at ease with him. That guy who remembers your birthday, and everything else that's important to you. That guy who has seen you at your worst, and at your best, and likes you any way. That guy. Spend time with him.
Wow, I guess I had a lot of advice to give after-all. But remember, this is just one woman's opinion - my own personal experiences with the greatest guy I've ever met in my life. He was so worth the wait.
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